The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
