It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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