Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
