This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
