If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
