it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
