Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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