Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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