i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
