listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
