thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
