Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
