we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
