I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize