So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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