she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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