Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
