thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
