Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
