I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
