so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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