Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
