i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
