We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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