so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
