I wanna passion pit in your ass
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize