: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
