So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
