some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
