Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
