i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize