Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
