This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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