I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
