Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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