you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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