Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
