so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
