well I can't set my house on fire every night
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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