we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Drunk is not a location!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
