I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
