Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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