i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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