is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
