my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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