My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
