Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
