he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
