Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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