Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
