I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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