your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
