I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
