Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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