The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
even my farts smell like vagina
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
