Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
