my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
