imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize