Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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