You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
