You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
