I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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