I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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