I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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