Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
