I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i came on her dog
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
