i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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