If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
