i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
