Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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