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I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
