CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
