tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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