dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
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