Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
