my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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