Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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