she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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