was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
