She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
