weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
