mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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