well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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