haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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