I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
