Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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