Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
