this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
