one two three fourrrrnication!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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