dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
