Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
and you fell through a lawn chair
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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